"The defining criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts, "as indicated by five (or more) of the following: 1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. 2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. 3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self; or sense of long-term goals; or career choices, types of friends desired or values preferred. 4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging: for example; spending, sex, substance abuse, and binge eating. 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. 6. Affective instability: marked shifts from baseline mood to depression, irritability, or anxiety, usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. 7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. 8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger; frequent displays of temper. 9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Borderline Personality Disorder is not one "disorder". It is to a great degree a collection of disorders that co-exist and often feed off of each other in ways that make life very difficult for people diagnosed with it. BPD may co-exist with: Post traumatic stress disorder Mood disorders Panic/anxiety disorders Substance abuse (54% of BPs also have this problem) Gender identity disorder Attention deficit disorder Eating disorders Multiple personality disorder Obsessive-compulsive disorder It should be noted that many of the traits associated as being BPD traits are commonly found in the general population as well. The line is drawn between the average and the Borderline Personality Disorder person by the number of characteristics listed above that effect them along with the severity or intensity of that affect. In Borderline Personality Disorder, like DID (MPD), there is (often) a likelihood of a trauma history: "Physical and sexual abuse, neglect, hostile conflict, and early parental loss or separation are more common in the childhood histories of those with Borderline Personality Disorder."
Please note, I am not a medical professional in any way, and all I am trying to do here is give you an idea of what living with BPD is like - FOR ME. Just like everyone's life experiences are different, BPD and the symptoms experienced differ from person to person, sometimes dramatically. So, here is what this is like for me only. Living with BPD is like living a rollercoaster. You never know which way your emotions are going to throw you next. The only one consistent thing is that the emotions will be intense! No matter what I'm feeling, it is probably at least 3 times as intense as usual, and often, I don't know why. Small things can trigger big emotions, a lot of the time, I'm not even sure what triggers them - so much seems to be going on under the surface that I'm not aware of. I dissociate frequently, which means I'm living in a bit of a fog a lot of the time, like a dream. Everyone knows a little about what dissociation is about. You know when you're driving on a long trip, or the same route to work every day and when you get there, you realize "Hey, I don't remember going through singleton, or that set of traffic lights"? Or when you 'zone out' then come back and say "sorry, I was miles away"? That's a very mild form of dissociation that everyone experiences. For many people with BPD (and many other diagnoses too), this same process is much more severe, some lose hours or days, or are aware, but feel badly 'disconnected' from their body. It's a slightly different process for everyone, and many things can trigger it, often unknown, in my case. Many tend to feel very 'unreal', as though they are floating above their body. Spending a lot of time like this has led me to believe it's the reason I have such a bad memory, both short-term and long-term. It kind of explains why I wouldn't remember something if I wasn't completely 'there'. Another intense symptom of BPD is the emptiness. It's hard to describe, but I feel blank, as though I have no identity unless I'm with someone else - which tends to make being alone very hard at times. The emptiness is profound, as though instead of my heart in my chest or my stomach, there is a gaping hole instead. It's incredibly painful. My identity or self image is always changing. It's as though there are many different 'me's' but I can't get them to gel together. One day I'll believe this, the next day I don't. It can be incredibly frustrating, but I am slowly gaining some stability in that area through my spirituality as expressed through the rest of this site. A common trait of BPD is "splitting", or more commonly called 'black and white thinking'. I guess all of this can be described about everyone, but with BPD it is taken to the extreme. Something, or someone is either 'all good' or 'all bad'. There seems to be no in-between, no grey area. It only takes a small comment or perceived rejection from my doctor for him to go from "amazing, rescuing hero" to "low-down pond-scum", if you know what I mean. Like I said before this is a roller coaster! I hope I've helped to explain some of the trickier descriptions from above, and a fraction only of what it's like to live with BPD. There will be more updates to this page, so check back soon!
For links to websites about BPD and Mental Health, click here
